By Stacey Tolbert
“Hairstorically” and traditionally I had seen a people hiding their natural hair. Straightening it. Weaving it. Complaining about its natural bumps and waves…scared of the new growth. Scared of getting it wet (and I know my people are not gremlins.) Teasing each other based on the thickness of their GOD given hair, comparing it to each other’s and other races. Talking down at Afros, cornrows, twisties or …dreadlocks.
Four years ago I decided to lock my hair (as in dreadlocks). It wasn’t for a fashion statement or because I “didn’t feel like doing my hair.” I was soul searching. I was in transition. Locking my hair was a process that I will never forget. Truths were revealed. Lies were uncovered. I had many “come to JESUS meetings with myself”… a revolution began with my hair revolting!
I had so called “good” hair (but how can hair be bad?) and I Permanently smooshed down and ruined my hair follicle soldiers about every 6-8 weeks prior to the locking. When I was in my beginning phase I had short locks. Folks kept asking me, “girl…umm what are you doing with your hair?” A “sista” even gave me a business card with the name of her beautician and suggested I use a popular perm kit asap.
White people assumed I had to be Rastafarian and smoked weed, my family thought I had lost my mind…”Stacey, you have good hair, why are you doing THAT to it?” I explained over and over and over again that the THAT I was doing was holistic for me. It was best for me. Professionally I had to overcome and get used to the stares and questions and foreign hands approaching my scalp to touch “it” (can and “’it” be alive?)
Four years later, those same nay sayers had grown to love my locks…or the idea of long hair, “Oh wow, they are so long and pretty. Wow, they are getting long! Soo, how long will you let them grow?” “You know, if you straightened your hair it would be REALLY long…” The best compliment came from my sons who compared my locks to tree branches.
April 3 rd 2004 at 2 a.m. I decided I was in transition. I am moving from San Diego to Kansas City Missouri and I am now in my 30’s. I decided that the same process that prompted me to grow my locks is the same process I am entering now—caused me to cut them. I shed tears with every lock. I let go of hurt, pain, doubt, worry, fear, good energy and bad energy, insecurity, good memories and bad memories.
Funny, the same people that had doubts about me getting dreadlocks are now the same people upset that I cut my hair. MY HAIR. Will I ever grow locks again? Probably so. When the time is right.
The root of this essay is about being true to yourself and what you want. Many times as adults we still get caught up in childish games of “everybody else is doing it,” or “what will my mama say?” But the question is what does your soul say? We are all an EVOLUTION waiting to happen.
What are you evolving into? Who are you evolving into? Are you happy? Are you settling? Are you satisfied? Are you taking all your special gifts and talents to a higher level or just maintaining the previous one, just to get by?
Cut away at doubt. Snip fear at its roots. Shed all toxins. Pull it all a part until you get to the center of you and shine…no matter what anyone else says.
(First published at Nubian Chronicles .)
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