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Jus'BEA |
Women of all sizes are caught up in the game - hating themselves because of what they see on television and magazines - beautiful skinny women flaunting their assets in front of the camera. But truly even some of those women aren't happy with their bodies. The wait is over, it's time for us to confront the weight issue and move on with living. Read on as two sistas, Jusbea and Tachelle "Shamash" Wilkes who are different sizes have a sista to sista conversation on what really matters.
The Players
Jus'bea - Poet, event producer & activist.
Tachelle Shamash Wilkes: poet, journalist & teacher.
Jus'bea: I guess I got used to it…but it still hurts…being left out of photos, interviews because I was not a reflection what society deems as BEAutiful. Although my poetic counterparts all had smaller frames, I never felt less sexy or confidant. Until one night, our first performance day in New York, the curtains opened. The patrons saw me standing there, a sexy, beautiful, confidant size 24 and to my surprise, I heard faint laughs and chuckles in the background. While on stage, the first thing that came to mind was, "What are they snickering about?" The second reaction was to run off stage. The third and final reaction was to disarm all of those preconceived notions and stereotypes with the best performance that I could possibly give! And at the end of the show, my power and beauty power prevailed...and everybody knew it. Why did I have to "prove" myself?
So, my size has always been an issue ever since I can remember. I recall memories of my mother calling me a fat cow. I'm sure not out of spite, but of concern and her own anger. I feel that those early memories has a lot to do with the way I've felt about my body and size to this day.
Tachelle: I hear you. Me being a size 3 - there has been people in and out of my life that's like I should gain weight, but I'm gonna be me regardless. Loving me for who I am all day long - ain't no changing that. How has TV, videos and movies influenced your self image if it has any influence at all?
J: It's difficult to encourage a healthy skepticism about media images and the messages of popular culture when the undertone is " you need to look like this" and if you don't you ain't sh*t. I'm positive that all forms of media have contributed to my low self image, however, I am slowly ,but surely trying to unlearn that behavior. I have grown weary of trying to conform to a societal image of what I'm "supposed" to look like! That is part of the reason why I created a workshop called Body P.H.A.T. Celebrate Your Body PHAT.
T: Wow- when did you create it?
J: You know, it was originally a concept that I had for a book which highlight plus size women including those in the spotlight. Then it seemed that the list dwindled down because all of the women (Star, Queen, etc.) had lost weight. After sitting in the library a few months ago, I revisited this concept when I heard a young black girl say she was "fat, black and ugly." I would like to teach girls how beautiful they are both inside and out so that issues of low self-esteem can be attacked and they can gain a positive outlook about themselves.
T: I have seen this so much in city schools.
J: Indeed...it's a major problem
T: Girls trying to fit the super model stereotype ... Girls who are beautiful, yet they feel ugly because of what television and magazines dictate to them. What do you say to young girls struggling with the weight and beauty issue?
J: To revolt! I said it best in a poem... "Don't let society dictate what YOU should like or what size YOU should be. Focus on being healthy and the best you possibly can be."
T: That's the best antidote. Love you on the inside, even though that is hard for so many women
But we have to take stepping stones - stone by stone. What about this one?
J: Yup...and it's really a hard thing to do. We are grown women and cant do it...but hopefully by getting to young girls earlier enough there won't be so many layers to peel back.
T: I had a student a young boy - every time he looked in the mirror he thought he was big and
everyone else around him they were like, "what are you talking about?" The whole image thing not only affects girls, but boys and some men as well. What do you think about that?
J: I think that in a way, young men probably have it worse because they are taught from early on not to show emotions and things like that, so their suffering can elevate to a much higher level. When we think about body image we don't really associate that with males...just women.
T: This is so true. Like women - some men are influenced by media images as well.
J: Yes ma'am! For sure! They want to look like 50 Cent - just like we want to look like Halle. Their's just isn't exposed like ours are.
T: And what about this - this is the crazy thing. I have had some burning conversations with men who are overweight and many say that they won't even date overweight women - what is that all about?
J: Ha ha. Too much weight in the bed!
T: Giiiirrrl!!! - please
J: Perhaps they hate themselves so much that dating a same size mate would be like looking in the mirror. But you know it's very HIPPO-critical and sexist. There are women who feel the same way. Is it really just about a "preference?"
T: Seems unreal to me - not to consider those who are like you.
J: I say no. It has to be much deeper than that. Why would you overlook ANYONE regardless of size or dare I say race, that could possibly be your soulmate? Seems to me that you would just be narrowing your chances.
T: I hear you. So where do we go from here? What wisdom words can be given to those who are searching for happiness within their own bodies?
J: I would tell people to look critically at advertisements. See beyond what you "see." Realize your own worth and value in being the individual that you are. Learn to love SELF. Absolute Love is key.
T: Yep - Ur body is your temple. You have to be happy with the body you live in.
J: Yes. If it's something like reducing weight...do it for health reasons, do it because you want to live longer and feel better about YOU...not because of your man or some other foolish reason. Make the reason about you...and only you.
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